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FMA emo-drabble
Oct. 17th, 2009 11:20 pmTitle: To live or die (crap title, no idea what else to call it)
Characters: Paninya, mentions of Dominic
A.N: I was feeling all emo-ish and angsty and the muse decided to let it out and created this. I only wrote it about an hour ago and it's a little naff but this is what happens when I feel like shit! This is meant to be before the series (any of them) when Paninya was still young and hating the world.
She barely noticed the people as they passed her by, studiously trying to not stare at her. Most failed, how could they not stare at this pathetic child with no legs and no family? This child who looked bedraggled and who's eyes told the world that she had given up, was ready to let death just take her.
Some people stopped and gave her food or money, thinking that the small gesture made them better than the others who just looked and ignored and walked on by. They were wrong! In her eyes they were worse, they were trying to gain something in the world, respect maybe, some sort of higher moral standing by using a pathetic crippled child. Trying to show the world that they were better than everyone else because they cared. If she wasn't so apathetic she would spit at them. All they offered was a temporary reprieve from the immediate problems of her life and then they went away again, leaving her in just as much trouble as before, a worthless little cripple girl, just a waste of oxygen.
Some-days she thought she would have been better off if she had just died in the accident with her parents, other days she wished for someone to come along and just end it all for her. She didn't understand why the world was keeping her alive, what could she possibly have to offer it? She never expected him to come along with his automail and warm house out of the rain and always telling her to stop feeling so damn sorry for herself, she wasn't that bad off.
She hated him!
The way he tried to make her smile, the way he tried to make her feel less like the universe's punching bag and more like an actual person. If she wanted to feel sorry for herself she would, who was he to tell her otherwise?
He gave her legs and she hated him more, never mind that he was actually offering real help, that wasn't the point. The pain was almost unbearable, something else to add to her list of grievances against life. She couldn't wait for the day when she was strong enough to leave, to run through the front door and throw herself under a train, end her life by the same means that her parents had lost theirs. It seemed fitting, balanced almost and life should be balanced.
As she waited for her moment, her chance to escape she realised something, that she no longer really wanted to die, she had a purpose now. She could walk and the pain wasn't quite as bad and the things that Dominic was saying were starting to sound reasonable. Alchemists spoke about equivalent exchange, if she believed what they said then the world had kept her alive for a reason, Dominic had saved her life for a reason. She owed them both something and she had to find a way to repay what the world had given her. Dominic she could repay with money, somehow she would find enough for what he had done for her the only real question was, what would the world want in exchange for keeping her alive?
Characters: Paninya, mentions of Dominic
A.N: I was feeling all emo-ish and angsty and the muse decided to let it out and created this. I only wrote it about an hour ago and it's a little naff but this is what happens when I feel like shit! This is meant to be before the series (any of them) when Paninya was still young and hating the world.
She barely noticed the people as they passed her by, studiously trying to not stare at her. Most failed, how could they not stare at this pathetic child with no legs and no family? This child who looked bedraggled and who's eyes told the world that she had given up, was ready to let death just take her.
Some people stopped and gave her food or money, thinking that the small gesture made them better than the others who just looked and ignored and walked on by. They were wrong! In her eyes they were worse, they were trying to gain something in the world, respect maybe, some sort of higher moral standing by using a pathetic crippled child. Trying to show the world that they were better than everyone else because they cared. If she wasn't so apathetic she would spit at them. All they offered was a temporary reprieve from the immediate problems of her life and then they went away again, leaving her in just as much trouble as before, a worthless little cripple girl, just a waste of oxygen.
Some-days she thought she would have been better off if she had just died in the accident with her parents, other days she wished for someone to come along and just end it all for her. She didn't understand why the world was keeping her alive, what could she possibly have to offer it? She never expected him to come along with his automail and warm house out of the rain and always telling her to stop feeling so damn sorry for herself, she wasn't that bad off.
She hated him!
The way he tried to make her smile, the way he tried to make her feel less like the universe's punching bag and more like an actual person. If she wanted to feel sorry for herself she would, who was he to tell her otherwise?
He gave her legs and she hated him more, never mind that he was actually offering real help, that wasn't the point. The pain was almost unbearable, something else to add to her list of grievances against life. She couldn't wait for the day when she was strong enough to leave, to run through the front door and throw herself under a train, end her life by the same means that her parents had lost theirs. It seemed fitting, balanced almost and life should be balanced.
As she waited for her moment, her chance to escape she realised something, that she no longer really wanted to die, she had a purpose now. She could walk and the pain wasn't quite as bad and the things that Dominic was saying were starting to sound reasonable. Alchemists spoke about equivalent exchange, if she believed what they said then the world had kept her alive for a reason, Dominic had saved her life for a reason. She owed them both something and she had to find a way to repay what the world had given her. Dominic she could repay with money, somehow she would find enough for what he had done for her the only real question was, what would the world want in exchange for keeping her alive?
