Drabble - Maybe, One day

[baroqueangel]

Title: Maybe, one day
Pairing/Characters: Parental!Roy/Ed
Rating: PG for the fact that it’s a death fic
Warning: Mentions of the death of a main character
Words: 681
Summary: Ed visits the cemetery
A.N: In an angsty mood, promised I’d write fic this week so here it is. I’d say enjoy but…:/

 

Ed looked down at the headstone before him, it never got any easier to come here, it never hurt any less. They all said it would but by now he knew they were all just lying. Hawkeye told him every day that losing someone always got easier with time. Havoc told him that the pain faded after a while, it never went away but you felt it less and less.

They were talking shit! It never hurt any less, it never went away. The pain of that loss lived with you every single day, the guilt of knowing that it was your fault just compounding the pain. He dropped to his knees willing the tears not to fall but failing miserably, just like he always did.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I never meant for this to happen, I never meant for you to die. You were supposed to live. You were supposed to become somebody, you were supposed to make a difference.” He fell to his knees before the gravestone, his head dropping down. He couldn’t bear to look at the name, couldn’t bear to see the words engraved there because seeing them made it real. It was proof that he was gone and that Ed was alone.

“You bastard, why did you have to leave me?”

Ed let the tears fall now, not even caring as the sobs wracked his body. Let the whole world see, let them all see how much he had fallen and how much pain he was in. What did it matter if he wasn’t here to laugh at him for it?

Ed didn’t know how much time had passed as he knelt there crying, it could have been hours or maybe only moments all he knew was that he was colder than he had been and at some point it had started to rain. He could feel the wetness seeping into his skin through his clothes but still he didn’t move. He heard footsteps somewhere behind him but he didn’t even lift his head to see, he knew who it was by the sound they made when they walked.

“You’ve been out here for a long time, maybe we should go back now.”

“I’m fine.”

“No Ed, you’re not fine. You’re wet and you’ll only end up becoming ill and you know he wouldn’t want that.”

“What does it matter, he’s gone, he doesn’t care anymore because he’s dead!”

“You know he’d care and he probably still does. I don’t know what happens after we die Ed, nobody does but whatever it is if there was a way to be waiting for you, you know he’d find it.”

“What do you care?”

“How can you ask that question? We all miss him Ed, he may have been your little brother but we all loved him like he was ours. Don’t you ever think that we’re not hurting too.”

Ed stopped crying and lifted his head slightly, just enough to see the man that was now kneeling down in front of him. He looked into coal black eyes, eyes that mirrored his own pain and loss and he began crying again, falling forward into Mustang’s embrace, finally letting someone hold him, letting someone help him.

“Let us help you Ed, you don’t have to be alone.” Ed let himself be lifted to his feet, let himself be led away from the white marble gravestone that bore his brother’s name, let himself be bundled into a waiting car. He clung to Mustang’s side like he had only ever clung to his brother and Mustang let him.

Maybe the pain could fade, maybe it could get easier if he let these people, his friends, help him. Maybe one day he might be okay with losing the only family he had left. Maybe one day he could even come to terms with how that had happened. But for right now he would have to be content with clinging to the side of the man he called bastard and just hope that one day would come sooner rather than later.