Drabble - The Bar

[baroqueangel]

Title: The Bar
Pairing/Characters: Roy/Ed, Alex Armstrong (I promise you, he’s there)
Rating: PG-13 ?? Maybe
Warning: CRACK, Erm…Bleach may be needed. OOCness.
Timeline: Any after Ed is old enough. AU
Words: 499
Summary: Roy and Ed go to a gay bar and see someone they never thought they would see.
A.N: I’m so sorry; seriously think what it must be like for me to have these ideas pop into my head. This is actually all other people’s faults. I got the idea because of a conversation about Armstrong on a friends posts and an anon request at FMA Kinky (slightly modified to fit this). I apologise again and hope you will all forgive me. Written for the prompt Armstrong at FMA_fic_contest.

Roy watched in horror as Ed practically danced through the door of the bar. What were they doing here? All he had said was ‘maybe we should go out tonight’ he had never thought that Ed would think to come somewhere like this. It must be the tackiest gay bar he had ever seen and Ed was loving every minute.

“Ed, why are we here?”

“You wanted to come out.”

“I did but I didn’t mean somewhere like this.”

“Just give it a chance, let’s stay for one drink and if you’re still not happy we’ll leave, deal?” Ed looked up at Roy with ‘the face’. The puppy dog eyes, the chewing of the lower lip, the head tilted to one side, Roy never could resist.

“Fine, one drink.” They made their way to the bar, Roy glaring murderously at any man daring to eye up Ed as they pushed through the heaving mass of bodies. When they reached their destination Roy ordered a whiskey but Ed decided to try something new. What exactly was a sex on the beach anyway? As Roy pondered this he heard Ed talking to someone and decided to listen.

“So, why is it so packed tonight?”

“It’s the live show; we always have a live act on a Friday.”

“Really? What’s tonight?” Ed sounded keen which meant that Roy was undoubtedly about to suffer.

“Tonight is an exotic dancer. He’s really good, we’ve had him before and people remember him, that’s why there’s so many here.”

“Cool, when’s he on?” The bar tender looked up at the clock and smiled.

“In about 5 minutes over on the stage.”

“Thanks pal.” Suddenly Roy felt Ed grab his hand as he started dragging him towards the stage.

“I guess we’re staying then.” Roy said rather flatly, this was really not his thing.

“We should at least check it out; everyone else seems to think he’s good we should see what we’re missing.”

“Fine, but only 10 minutes and if it’s crap I’m leaving.”

“That’s cool, but this many people can’t be wrong.”

The show was just starting as they reached the stage area, the lights dimmed and the music began. The pair managed to find a good spot near the front so that Ed could see and had just settled when the curtains flew open revealing the dancer behind them.

Roy’s thoughts all tumbled past each other as he gapped in shocked horror at the man on the stage. Roy had seen some horrible things in his life, Ed too but this was without a doubt the most terrifying of them all.

Alex Louis Armstrong, on a stage, in a gay bar, wearing a purple thong, a smile and nothing else and surrounded by what seemed like thousands of purple sparkles.

“Roy?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that…”

“Real?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh I hope not.”

“Roy, I think I’m blind.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we go home and…you know…never have sex again.”

“Yeah.”

“Roy.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so sorry for this.”

“…”