(no subject)

[baroqueangel]

Title: Urahara and his guy
Pairing/Characters: Urahara/Ichigo
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Implied yaoi – does that need a warning?? Crack
Words: 497
A.N: I wrote this nearly two years ago or more precisely, I corrupted this poem nearly two years ago ;D I posted it to the ura_ichi community back when I joined lj but I never posted it here, mostly because I didn't really have Bleach fans on my flist. I do now and I thought you may appreciate this XD It's all because of this picture, I saw it and thought of this poem and then it all went downhill from there :D Enjoy XD

 

 The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt (1799-1888)-- My corrupted version XD

“Will you walk into my boudoir?” said Urahara rather sly;
“‘Tis the prettiest little bedroom that ever you did spy.
The way into my boudoir is through that door and up that stair,
And I have many curious things to show you when you're there.”
“Oh no, no,” said Ichigo; “to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up to that room can ne’er come down the same again.”

“I’m sure you must be weary, dear, with shunpoing up so high.
Will you rest upon my little futon?” said Urahara winking his eye.
“There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest a while, I’ll snugly tuck you in!”
“Oh not a chance” said Ichigo, “for I’ve often heard it said,
They never, ever walk the same again those who sleep in your bed!”

Said the cunning Urahara: “Dear friend, what can I do
To prove the warm affection I’ve always felt for you?
I have within my shop a good collection of all that’s nice;
I’m sure you’re very welcome — will you please to take a slice?”
“Oh hell no,” said Ichigo; “Hat and clogs, that cannot be:
I’ve heard what’s in your shop, and I do not wish to see!”

“Sweet boy!” said Urahara, “you’re witty and you’re wise;
How handsome are your features; how brilliant are your eyes!
I have a little mirror upon my bedroom shelf;
If you’ll step in for just a moment, you can behold yourself.”
“I thank you freaky bastard,” he said, “to keep your kinks to yourself,
And, telling you to dream on, I’ll go and keep my health.”

Urahara turned back into his shop, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly boy would soon come back again:
So he contemplated his new approach in a little corner sly,
And set his kinky bedroom ready, thinking my oh my;
Then came out to his door again, and merrily did sing:
“Come hither, pretty Ichigo, with sharp and pointy thing;
Your robes are black and white; there’s a fire upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!”

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little boy,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, soon became the pervert’s toy;
With shunpo steps he hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,
Thinking only of his brilliant eyes and his large swords shiny hue,
Thinking only of his fiery head. Poor, foolish thing! at last
Up jumped the cunning Urahara, and fiercely held him fast;
He dragged him up to his bedroom, into that dismal kinky den --
Within his little parlour — and Ichigo ne’er did walk the same again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly, flattering words I pray you ne’er give heed;
Unto a kinky bastard, close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale of Urahara and his guy.