OMG, Angel wrote fic! Pt 1

[baroqueangel]

Title: The Secret Smut Diaries of Edward Elric, part 1 - part 2 here,
Author: baroqueangel 
Beta: The wonderful and ever so patient sayhello 
Artist: The amazing and talented Rose Meloche <-- Go and look at the amazing art
Genre: Yaoi, Comedy – ish, maybe, sort of
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Ed/Russ, Roy/Ed, Havoc/Ed
Warnings: Swearing, sex, fantasies XD
Summary: Ed tells all about his smutty sex life.
Notes: This was written for the FMA BBC and was supposed to be posted a while ago but I fail at keeping to a deadline and real-life didn’t want me to post until now. Better late than never right? In two parts because Lj sucks and won't let me post it all as one :| I've tried to split it as equally as possible but this is the third time I've tried to post this damn thing and if it doesn't post this time I'm going to quit and throw the computer out the window!

 

The secret smut diaries of Edward Elric

 

Russell

What can I say about Russ? He was my first, my experiment. We were both young, unsure of what was happening, trying to figure out why we were different from everyone else. We both liked experiments, so it seemed like a good idea at the time to experiment with each other. That first time, boy, was that awkward.

We were both researching at the library; I don’t even remember what it was we were looking up. I remember being irritated at the fact that nothing seemed to be going my way. Every book I looked in seemed to lead me down a wrong path and then I’d get so far down it and couldn’t find my way back. He seemed to be having an easier time, which of course made me even more irritable. He was such an ass back then, still is, really. When he looked up and smirked, I just couldn’t take it anymore; I cracked.

“What the Hell are you smirking at?”

“Nothing.” His answer pissed me off even more. He was being such a bastard.

I stood up and leant forward, my hands braced against the table, my face rapidly heating as my anger grew. “Do me a favour and go home. If you’re gonna be a complete dick then I don’t want you helping me.”

“I’m working. If I don’t work, my money ends up being a little short.”

“Who are you calling a bean so short Al’s chin hairs are longer?” I really needed to work on my comebacks; even I knew that one was lame.

“I never said that, Ed, but if the word fits...” He was being so calm, sitting there as if he wasn’t insulting me and just carrying on with his reading. I was almost ready to murder him.

“Say it again, daddy’s boy. I dare you!” I think I made him mad at that point. His eyebrows rose and he did something weird with his eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh; the fact that my laughing seemed to make him madder just made me laugh harder. I hardly noticed when he stood up slowly from his chair and walked calmly around the table. It wasn’t until his hands were fisted in my shirt that I suddenly realised that he’d even moved.

“Now why did you have to go ruin a perfectly good insult by bringing up my father?” If it had been anyone but Russell, I might have been a bit afraid, but I knew full well that Russ was a pansy-assed wimp. So him confronting me just made me laugh even harder. It got to the point where I couldn’t even see, because tears of laughter were streaming from my eyes.

“What you gonna do, daddy’s boy? Get your little brother to beat me up? Or maybe you’ll tie me up with plant vines? Oh, wait, you need your little brother to help with that, too.” I swear I could see the steam coming from his ears, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. Taunting him was just too much fun.

“Shut up, you walking advert for dwarfism!” Now that was a low blow. I never knew he could be so inventive. I stopped laughing and looked at him, my eyes already searching for an object to hit him with.

We carried on trading insults for a good five minutes. During that time, my hands had managed to find their way into his shirt and we were holding each other rather tightly. We were breathing heavily from trying to insult one another without taking breaths in between each one. I don’t know who moved first, but one of us did. And suddenly, our mouths were no longer separated by air. Lips were touching and teeth were clacking and tongues were attempting to move together, but they didn’t know how. To be honest it was, kind of a pathetic excuse for a first kiss.

We both pulled back and just stared at each other; I don’t think either of us knew quite what had just happened. Our hands dropped away from each other and the awkwardness set in. We moved apart from each other, putting a good few feet between us, just to be safe. There was a lot of stammering and fierce I’m-not-looking-at-you-but-really-I’m-dying-to looks.

“Um, sorry," I started. "I don’t quite know what happened there.” I had no idea what else to say. I wasn’t sure I should have said anything, but the silence had been killing me. I mean, what do you say to a guy you usually can’t stand, but you’ve just attempted to tongue? ‘I’m sorry, I appear to have just stuck my tongue down your throat, I hope it didn’t cause any inconvenience’ didn’t sound quite right.

“Oh, right," he finally murmured. "Yeah, um, sorry.” It was funny, but he didn’t sound sorry to me. In fact, he sounded kind of disappointed that I hadn’t sounded more enthusiastic about it. “Are you?” he said.

“Am I what?”

“Are you sorry?”

I was going to say that of course I was sorry, sorry I’d ever come to the library with him, but something had stopped me. It could have been the look on his face, the hope in his eyes, or the fact that I could clearly make out the outline of the erection he was so obviously failing to hide. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”

“Ed, can I ask you a personal question?”

“You’ve just had your tongue in my mouth; I think we’re past needing permission for that.” I nearly kicked myself for finding his sudden blush so cute. I nearly slapped myself for thinking of anything he did as cute.

“Do you ever feel like you’re not quite the same as other guys?”

“What do you mean?” Yes, I was dense; okay, I admit it. When it comes to stuff like that, I was, am and will always be, dense.

“I mean, do you like girls?”

“Well, sure. I mean, I like Winry. When she’s not cracking me over the head with her wrench, we get along just fine.”

“I don’t mean like that.” His obvious frustration almost made me start laughing again. “I mean, to put it bluntly, do you ever think of fucking them?” I nearly choked on my next breath. In fact, I think I did. I couldn’t believe he’d said it; it was so un-Russ like. As soon as I managed to stop coughing and had regained enough sense to actually answer, I stopped and considered what I would say. I wasn’t thinking long.

“No.”

His face changed. He actually smiled; I’d only ever seen him stop frowning when he was talking to Fletcher.

“I thought it was just me.” He seemed relieved to have found someone else that was like him and, to tell the truth, it did feel nice to have someone to talk to. We talked for hours after that about so many things: fears we’d had about telling others, if we knew anybody else that liked guys, what we’d read about it. He’d done a lot of research, more than me, even. He knew all the things you were supposed to do before hand, all the places that would make a lover happy, how to stimulate yourself. I was on a steep learning curve that night, I can tell you.

“Do you want to test these ideas out?” I said. I loved that he actually seemed shocked. Surely he should have known me by then. I love experiments; he knew that. This was the ultimate experiment. I walked over to him and stood right in front of him, not touching, just standing. When I breathed, my chest just touched his, albeit ever so slightly. I could feel the shiver run through him at just that small sensation. It was going to be an interesting night.

I reached out my hand and splayed the fingers against his chest. He didn’t last much longer after that. He grabbed my arms and pushed me back against the nearest shelf. I felt a few of the books topple and fall around me. For some reason, it didn’t even occur to me that we might be caught by the librarians; I just got lost in the sensations. He kissed me again; it was a little better that time, but still we hadn’t quite worked out the rhythm. We would learn; it would just take time. Until then, what he was doing with his hand more than made up for what he was failing to do with his mouth. His hand had somehow found its way under my shirt and his fingers were gently grazing over my oh so very erect nipples. It was driving me wild. My cock was so erect it hurt and I was suddenly very glad that I wasn’t wearing my customary leather pants. (Although I thought that I would have to wear them the next time; they did frame my ass quite nicely.)

I had pulled away from our slowly improving kisses to take in a ragged breath, when he moved against me. I don’t think he even knew he’d done it. Maybe it was just his body working on instinct, but he did it again. His lower half pushed against mine, which in turn caused his erection to press against mine, which in turn caused my mind to empty of any thought that wasn’t ‘fuck, yeah’.

“Fuck, yeah!” My hands flew under his shirt and pushed it up until I could see his nipples. He’d mentioned something about them being rather sensitive, so I tested the theory by licking one. His reaction told me that the theory was now proven and it was probably something I should do again. So I did. I licked it and sucked it and bit it ever so gently. I was rewarded for my efforts when he moved his hands to grab my ass, which really helped out when he ground against me again.

The added pull from him meant more pressure, which caused me to bite his nipple, maybe a little harder than I should have. But I didn’t get the reaction I thought I would. He seemed to like the pain. Russ was a little pain slut and I can’t tell you how happy that discovery made me at that moment. The possibilities were endless.

We kept grinding together as I nipped and sucked at his soft skin; so many marks he would have to hide. Suddenly, it felt like a spring was being wound in my stomach and it caused me to push against him more frantically. He seemed to be feeling the same thing. A moment before, our movements had been pretty synchronised, as we dry humped our way to our first ever assisted climaxes. Now we were moving rapidly, out of sync, just trying to reach the end of the experiment. When he seized up, I knew he’d crossed the line first, but it was almost a photo finish, as I followed right after. Another few presses and we were done. I hadn’t known that you could cum without even touching your cock, not unless it was a wet dream, but I knew better then. I could feel the wetness in my trousers as my cock grew limp and we both leant against the shelving unit for balance.

“Wow.” My, Russell had a way with words, didn’t he? He was right though; it had been rather spectacular for a first time.

“Next time, we try actual contact,” I managed to get out.

“Next time? You’re already planning a next time?”

“Well, the experiment’s not finished yet. We still need to try all the other permutations, like in a bed, for instance. Maybe yours, in about twenty minutes? Fletcher’s out, right?”

“He’s at his friend’s house for the night.”

I don’t think the librarian even saw us leave; we went past the front desk at such a speed. That was a really interesting night, though. We experimented a lot, so much so that I couldn’t walk straight for two days. I got off lucky though; Russ couldn’t walk straight for a week.

 

Since that point I read a lot of books, did a lot more research and I found a particularly explicit text that gave me some really good ideas. I think it was call the Karma Sutra or something like that. It gave me good dreams for a while and now I have a recurring fantasy about Russell. I’ve always wondered if he’d be up for it, but I never got the chance to ask him before he fucked off on that research trip. He’ll be back, though, and then I’ll get him. And if only for my peace of mind, I’ll act out this damn fantasy, just to help me sleep better at night.

I mean, how could anyone sleep, when all they can dream about is bondage? It’s almost an impossibility. Every time I close my eyes I see him, dressed in nothing but black leather bondage straps. Oh, that would be quite the sight and black would really go well against his skin tone.

Leather straps tie his arms to the bed posts, his legs strapped up so they bend at the knee, held apart to show his erection leaking over his own body. Lube and toys are all laid out on the bed. The only question is, would I be fucking him or would he be fucking me? I still haven’t decided that one. I can see it, though, as clearly as if we had actually done it like that.

He looks up from the bed, his eyes all glazed with lust, looking needy and so very fuckable. I crawl onto the bed and settle between his legs as he starts to beg for me to just ravish him. He never would, of course; he’s too much of a stubborn bastard to beg. But that’s the beauty of a fantasy. I’m not really one for the begging, anyway, so when I look down and spy the ball-gag, it just seems so perfect. He doesn’t even fight as I put the bright red ball in his mouth and tie the straps behind his head. Not that he could if he wanted to; his arms and legs are restrained and I’m the only way for him to find release.

With him now gagged I can get to work. That’s when I spy the cock ring; it even matches the leather straps with their silver buckles. He seems to mind that when he sees me pick it up, but when my hand wraps around his length and moves, he loses the will to care. I allow him a little pleasure before I slip the cock ring over him and he jumps a little as he realises it also vibrates against his balls. So much torture and we’ve only just started.

I start working over his chest with my mouth and tongue, licking and sucking and nipping my way over every inch of skin, meanwhile hiding the fact that I’m picking something else up from the bed. When his head lolls back in pleasure from a sharp nip to his nipple, I apply the clamps. He sucks in a breath around the ball gag as the clamps squeeze his nipples. His pleasure is heightened even more when the buzzing against his balls intensifies, as I turn up the vibrations a notch. Just watching his face as it switches between pleasure and pure bliss is enough to test anyone’s resolve, but I resist the urge to just fuck him into the mattress. I have more plans for tonight.

I reach up and kiss his neck, slowly working my way around until I find his pulse and I suck. He arches up as I do and I smile as I continue what I’m doing. When I pull back, he whines at the loss. I’m not sure if that is just the fantasy or if he would really whine, but it might be worth another experiment just to find out.

I sit back at the bottom of the bed and he looks at me as best he can, as I pick up the lube, 'slide and ride', my favourite. I squirt a good amount onto my hand and I can see him mentally preparing for the intrusion that he knows is coming. His eyes widen when he realises that I’m not coming to him yet. He strains against his bonds as he watches my hand move down over my own erection, smearing lube along the way. But it doesn’t stop there; it continues on and his eyes bug out further when the first digit circles my entrance.

Next comes the best part of my fantasy, something I did a few times when we were fucking: I prepare myself. I push the finger in up to the first knuckle and wait just a moment before pushing it in the rest of the way. Once it's fully inside, I take the chance to look at Russell’s face and the lust clouding his eyes. He wants to be the one doing this; he hasn’t got a chance.

I move the finger, slowly pulling out only to push back in, fucking myself as I stretch open little by little. I add a second finger and I gasp in pain, just a little, as I’m stretched more. The pain subsides quickly; it’s not like this is new to me. When I’m ready, I add the third digit. Slowly, I work myself open, making myself loose enough to accommodate Russell. I even manage to find my prostate and graze it ever so slightly, giving myself just a little something to keep me going.

When I think I’m opened enough, I pull my fingers out and wipe them on the handy cloth I have. I can see the look in his eyes; he thinks I’m riding him. He’s so very wrong.

I pick up the lube again and squirt more into my hand before dropping it onto the bed. His eyebrows draw down and he looks quizzically at me before realising just what I’m going to do. I move my hand towards his rear and without stopping, press one finger into him. I waste no time in preparing him; that graze to my prostate has made me needy and all I want to do is get inside of him.

I stretch him and make sure to turn up the vibrating cock ring, too, just for good measure. When he’s ready for me I dive right in. I push in, slowly at first, before slamming myself in as far as I can go, the vibrating of the cock ring rather pleasant against me now, as well. I wait for him to adjust before moving. I don’t even bother with starting slow, instead opting for the fuck-him-into-the-mattress approach that seems to work so well when we get into a seriously horny state. I can tell he wants to cum, but there is no way I’m letting him do that yet. I move quickly, enjoying the feel of him around me, as he swallows me time and time again. I can feel myself getting closer and before I can climax I stop myself and pull out. He sounds confused as he makes a small noise, probably asking why. He doesn’t have to wait long for an answer.

I pull the cock ring off as I pull out of him, quickly positioning myself over his length before impaling myself on it in one swift motion. I can see the pleading in his eyes; he wants me to move but I need a second to adjust. Slowly, I raise myself up, before slamming myself back down again. I manage to graze my prostate as I do and white lights shine momentarily behind my eyelids. I love it when I do that.

I set a brutal pace for myself, glad that I’m so in shape, enough at least to do this; it’s a good workout for the arms and legs. It doesn’t take long at this pace to feel that coil coming back and I can tell by his frantic breathing and the fact that he’s trying to pull against the leather straps that he is close as well. I reach forward and with practised ease, pull away the gag just in time for him to yell out as he climaxes hard. Feeling the pulsating of his cock as he fills me with cum causes me to tumble into oblivion and I release all over his chest, my body contracting around his length and causing him to scream louder.

When we’re both finally spent and all I want to do is collapse on top of him and sleep for a week, I look down to see cum covering his chest. It’s also somehow managed to find its way to his hair and although it’s a nice look for Russ, it might need cleaning off before I can sleep on him.

I may have thought this fantasy through in too much detail, but that just means that I’ll know exactly what’s going to happen when I finally manage to make it real.

 

Roy

Ok, enough of the annoying one that is Russell and on to Roy ‘The Bastard’ Mustang. I don’t remember quite when I started wanting him. I remember how we got together, though. Not that it was really all that memorable.

“So, Fullmetal, I was wondering if you’d like to go out on Friday after work?”

“Sure, the bar after work on Friday sounds like a great idea to me.”

“Oh, it won’t be the bar.”

“Really? Where, then?”

“Oh, I’ll let you know.”

“Fine, sounds good.”

“Good, it’s a date, then.”

He’d left the room before the words had registered and when they finally did it took me about ten minutes just to be able to move again. The state of shock itself didn’t leave fully until about…a week later, I think. We got along surprisingly well. I still wanted to hit him and he still brought out his seemingly never-ending bag of short jokes, but we got through that first night alive. In fact, we got through that first night better than alive. Thanks to my time with Russ, I had some tricks to show the bastard and, not to be outdone, he had some of his own. Ah, memories! Wonderful things! And we have so many memorable moments. Not all of them include sex, just the better ones. A man’s got to have a hobby, after all.

One of my favourites has to be that one time in his office. Granted, there have been many times in his office -- many, many times -- but there are one or two that stand out. The one I think of most often is the time we were nearly caught. That will get your blood pumping. The sound of the door handle beginning to turn while your commanding officer’s cock is up your ass is something you will never forget. But I’m getting ahead of myself; remembering the act itself is so much more enjoyable.

I’d gone in to drop off a report, one of my usual scrawled messes that he let pass because I had threatened to cut him off if he didn’t. We’d only been ‘dating’ (I hated calling it that but he made me. My version was a little less child friendly) for a few months and not everyone knew yet. In fact, I think only Al knew at that point. We wanted to see how it would go and anyway, having the secret made it all the more hot when we were alone together in his office. The idea that we were sneaking quick kisses behind closed doors made me a little horny; don’t ask me why, I’m not sure I understand it myself.

This wasn’t one of those times. This was one of the times that everyone else was on lunch break and the entire office was abandoned except for us. I don’t think it even occurred to us that we could just take a long lunch and go back to his place for an hour. It was like the thought travelled between us on an invisible wire; empty office equalled sex, it was as simple as that.

I don’t even remember how I ended up sitting in front of him on the edge of his desk as we kissed, our tongues battling it out like they always did. I’d gotten so much better at kissing; practice makes perfect after all. It wasn’t like I was going to win, though. He hadn’t let me fuck him yet; he was being stubborn about it. Apparently the idea of letting something enter him through a hole that was usually for letting stuff out was not all that appealing. Funny, he didn’t seem to mind the idea when it was someone else that it was happening to and he was the one doing the entering.   Not that I was complaining. He’s a bloody good lay.

My tops were removed without any real hassle; his, too. He wasted no time at all setting to work marking my body and causing me problems for the upcoming medical exams. He never did think ahead, mostly because his big brain had stopped doing the thinking by that point, the little brain had taken over and all that it was thinking was ‘sex, sex, sex’.

I reached forward and began undoing his belt. He moved himself to make it easier, obviously feeling in a hurry that day. The heavy blue fabric fell to the floor easily once the only things holding it up were undone. As I reached out to push down the only other things in my way I realised there was nothing else in my way. He wasn’t wearing underwear. That was a new development. He tends to go without a lot more often now, but back then it made him feel uncomfortable. Personally, I find it rather freeing. Plus, it doesn’t really help when you wear trousers as tight as mine; boxers can be difficult to cover.

I didn’t pull my hand away; instead I gently dragged my fingers up his length, relishing the shiver it brought from him. I loved that I could bring him to this. This strong war hero, trembling at my softest touch, makes a man feel proud and slightly egotistical.

He tried to push forward and make me grab him, hoping for a quick release. But there was no way he was getting off without me, selfish bastard. Instead, I pulled my hands away and placed them firmly on the table at either side of me. He looked down into my defiant eyes and realised that he was going to have to work for his climax and set about ripping off my trousers and boots. He flung them somewhere in the room; it took ages to find them after we’d finished. When I was completely stark naked he’d looked down at me sat on his desk. My hands were on the table at my sides and my feet were on his chair, my legs spread akimbo, and my cock bouncing happily against my abdomen as I breathed.

“So, are you going to fuck me or is this the day you finally let me do you?” I’d never seen him move so fast in his office before. Usually he was sleeping or staring out into space or just avoiding work altogether.   So when his head suddenly bobbed down, I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating or not. I got my answer in the form of a resounding ‘not a hallucination!’ when Roy’s mouth suddenly enveloped me whole.

He’s always had a big mouth; this is why. He gives amazing head, spectacular even; I look forward to every time he does it.

His mouth was happily distracting me, his tongue running up and down the vein in my cock as the grooves on the roof of his mouth caused me to twitch in pleasure. I didn’t even notice his hand reach out to one of the drawers, never heard it open or him rummaging through it. He must have been sucking on the head of my cock when he closed the drawer, because I didn’t hear that, either. And when he popped the lid, it must have been when he was slowly licking up the slit and removing the precum. Because the first I knew of his actions was when his finger began circling my entrance.

It made me jump a little, not just from the cold, but also from the fact that I hadn’t known he’d had the lube in his drawer. I wasn’t sure when he’d started keeping lube in there, but I was so very glad that he had. It made things run much smoother. The first few times we’d fucked in his office, we’d had to find substitutes and nothing can really beat a good lube.

When his first finger entered me, I barely even flinched; his mouth was taking up most of my attention, and I didn’t have any brainpower left to waste on trivial things like a finger up my ass. He must have realised then that it wasn’t a problem and he added another one. There was a little bit of an ache, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle; even doing the scissoring wasn’t really causing me any discomfort. I was too focused on the tongue that was slowly driving me wild to notice his fingers much at all.

It wasn’t until the third one went in and he crooked them that I started to take notice of what he was doing. He grazed my prostate ever so slightly. It caused me to cry out in sudden pleasure and my eyes to roll back in my head for a moment. Roy being Roy, he decided that me making noise was funny and no real harm while we were alone. So he crooked his fingers again, this time searching for the one spot that he knew would make me moan.

He found it! Fuck, did he find it, and he kept finding it until I started to mumble incoherently.

“Ro…Roy, I’m gon…gonna…c…Oh, fuck, I’m gonna…gon. What the fuck? What are you doing?” I’d forgotten the man who was currently fingering me was a sadistic bastard. It had only just re-entered my mind when he pulled his fingers away from my ass, let my cock slip from his mouth and slipped his hand around the base of my just-about-to-squirt-mass-amounts-of-cum erection, effectively cutting me off mid-orgasm. He could be such a complete and utter bastard sometimes.

“You don’t get to cum without me, Fullmetal.” If I hadn’t been about ready to impale myself on his cock just to get off, I would have killed him. He leant down and gave me one last long lick before straightening up enough to line himself up with my entrance.

“Will you hurry the fuck up already?”

He smirked, right before pushing in as far as he could. I could feel his balls bounce against my ass. He still had hold of my cock, which was really a good thing, because after a moment to adjust, he moved and the first thing that happened was that his cock rubbed up against my prostate. If he hadn’t had a firm hold on my ready to burst erection he would have ended up with cum dripping from the ceiling right then.

As it was, he kept a firm grip as he moved, setting a good pace, which he knew I loved. Office sex was meant for rough riding and that is the truth; there is no point being gentle when all you’re after is a quickie. On this we were in complete agreement and he pounded me into the table as hard and as fast as he could. My back was going to ache in the morning and it would make my automail leg a real bitch to walk on, but right then, I couldn’t have cared less. All that mattered was that his cock continued ramming into me.

It didn’t take him long to reach his limit; his sweaty body was starting to flush a bright red and that was a sure sign that he was about to release all he had into my body. I’d asked him repeatedly to pull out before that happened; feeling it drip down your legs when the cock is removed is a nasty feeling. He had refused and was unwilling to give a reason as to why; my guess is that he’s just a lazy git.

He finally let go of my length as he lost all semblance of rhythm and just fucked me. Somehow, even without meaning to (because he never meant to hit it when he reached this state) he kept hitting my prostate, driving me into an even wilder state and finally throwing me over the edge. Cum spattered all over my chest and stomach and all over his, too. The contracting of my body must have finally sent him into the longest orgasm I’ve ever known him to have. I milked him for all he had as he rode out the pleasured haze he was in, moving a few more times before just collapsing forward to crush me against the table. Roy is a heavy bastard when he’s sated, or at any other time, come to think of it.

That was when my heart nearly stopped. Someone’s voice sounded from beyond the door, getting louder as it came closer. Now, if we had just been stealing our usual kiss, it wouldn’t have mattered all that much, but right at that moment we happened to be completely naked, sweaty and still attached. His cock was still firmly planted in my backside, softening after his release and his cum was slowly dribbling out of my entrance, to pool on the edge of the table and the floor at his feet.

My stomach and chest, as well as his chest and, somehow, his hair were covered in my cum and someone’s hand was on the doorknob. We were like rabbits caught in headlights; even if we moved apart now, there was no way the person opening the door wouldn’t catch us. I lowered my eyes away from the door to avoid the open-mouthed look of utter shock on the person's face when they entered. The door opened an inch, then two; we could finally tell that the voice belonged to Fuery. He wouldn’t stare in shock; he’d probably faint, right after screeching and bringing the whole office running. Oh, this just got better and better.

I resigned myself to a life of ridicule, or worse, ‘the look’. The one that says 'we know what you did you dirty little whore'. The door crept open another inch, then another.

“Fuery, you got that file on the new recruits?” a voice said.

“No, I left it in the canteen. Sorry, I’ll go get it.”

“That’s alright; I’ll walk there with you. I think I left my lighter on the table anyway.”

The door closed and we could hear Havoc and Fuery walking away. I’ve never been so relieved in my life. We cleaned up in record time. Everything was tidy within ten minutes, although most of that time had been spent looking for my trousers and boots. (Roy would have to be more careful to take notice of where he threw stuff in future). You couldn’t even tell that only fifteen minutes previously, two people had been fucking like bunnies in the now pristine room. Havoc and Fuery came back, followed by Hawkeye and Falman and we were sat there going over my report when they came in.

Hawkeye gave us a funny look, then smiled and got on with her work. She had known, she always did. You can’t get anything past her; believe me, I’ve tried. Havoc had looked at us, looked at the room, then he’d scrunched up his eyes as if he was trying to work something out, but the answer seemed to be evading him. As far as I was concerned it could keep evading him, for the present, at least.

Things got back to normal and my heart rate finally lowered to an acceptable level and not that of a man on the verge of a heart attack. We learnt our lesson after that; office sex was a big no-no. At least until we got a good lock put on the door.